"you in a song"

i wish a boy would..

write a song for me.

or a poem.

or send me flowers.

i miss my model..

emptying my thoughts.

i don't remember the last time i wrote in my journal,

which makes me really upset.

i always have things on my mind that i

need to share, share with anyone.

but for now, as my journal waits

patiently on my shelf, i will write to you.

there has been so much going on in my life.

i feel as if i've been in logan for years.

the people that now surround my life feel as if

they have been there for years as well.

throughout my life i have

changed where i have called home,

and logan is the new home.

the difference this time is that there is no

daddy waiting for me at the door

when i stroll in at all hours of the night,

no dad to hug when thats the thing i need the most.

but for right now, i am surviving.

besides, change is always good,

i have always been fond of change.

speaking of changes, i am now athletic.

i'm on a soccer team. yes me, a soccer player.

it's quite amusing and thursday is our first game.

i haven't gone to take pictures since i left virginia,

i feel a little empty inside.

tomorrow morning (in nine hours..)

i get my first photo assignment of the semester.

this photography class is scaring me already though,

because i hate the darkroom.

and because this is the one class

i am going to put my heart and soul into.

i hate seeing peoples amazing photography

around me and feeling like i may not

ever get that good, even if thats all i want in life.

is to be that good.

and maybe i'm not as good as everyone tells me...

and that scares me.

this weekend wasn't one of my bests,

i let silly things take over

and control my emotions.

even though i know i'm being dumb.

i read into everything and i always think the worst.

just because i've been hurt in the past

doesn't mean it will happen every time.

"sometimes, we just have to be happy with what people can offer us.

even if it's not what we want, at least it's something" -sd

i'm sick and i had to go buy myself medicine tonight.

the medicine i bought doesn't seem to be working.

this is the first time my dad hasn't been here to take care of me.

although i don't know how much

he actually took care of me when i was sick.

he would at least get me the right medicine.

all my roommates have gotten church callings.

i have yet to get one but i know i will be

receiving a phone call any day now,

i'm not sure if i'm ready to be an adult yet,

that phone call might have to wait a bit longer.

i still can never sleep (clearly) and

that is probably the reason i'm sick.

so maybe for now i'll turn off this laptop,

and try to close my eyes...

goodnight moon.

little somethin called insomnia.

no matter how many hours of sleep i get,

i am exhausted the next day.

it doesn't matter if i laid on the couch all day,

i will be tired the following day.

sleep deprivation? yes.

loving college? of course.

so this is college.

there are are too many things to be said about college. i've been trying to write a blog about it for days now and i just stare at this blank page and have nothing to say. having nothing to say makes it seem like i don't like it here, but that is not the case. i love every day that i've been here and might never want to leave. i'm on day eleven of the college life and i couldn't be happier. so many things have happened in the past eleven days that i'm not sure how i'm going to manage to say them all in one blog, considering this is already the longest blog i've ever done.but here i go...

snow 102, purple doors. roommates, already best friends. walking everywhere. new red bike. party in room 102, new friends. connections, LUMA and larry. rainy day, traumatic/ruined shoes. free food. 2 insane concerts. becca, nough said. roommate dinner, engagement rings. movie on old main hill, good night. 5 hours a night, sleep deprivation. logan weather, bipolar. di, awesome outfits. hot man wall. lazy sundays. laundry room days. fire crotch stalkers. volleyball games. rosa, awkward. scotsmen. big blue, alex's crush. daily dinner, granola. sign on our door, boys clean our dishes. our ra meeting, hour and a half joke. college...absolutely love.