our own little christmas weekend.

a few snow storms later.

i need to learn to embrace the snow

that is currently covering every square inch

of logan, right?

today around a foot of snow has fallen.

if there was this much snow in va,

we would have school canceled for a few days.

i'm not looking forward to trudge through

the snowy roads tomorrow at 8:30 am.

what i am looking forward to is going home to va

and not having to wear five layers just

to take the trash out.

there is a plus side to all this snow though.

last night me, melanie and lui went

sledding on old main hill.

most fun i've had in a while.

i decided sledding is my new hobby.

i've already started planning meals

for my dad to cook when i get home.

and tonight i told him to drive redrobin

to the airport so i can drive him home.

i also have already started planning

events for my three weeks in va.

twenty more days.

twenty one days.

why i'm excited to go home in 21 days:

to have red robin (my car) back!

to sleep in my own BIG bed.

to go to new york!

to have dish washer and garbage disposal.

to not have to wear fifty layers to go outside.

for my eyes will look blue again.

to decorate the christmas tree.

daily trips to tysons mall.

eat at rio grande.

not having to call my dad to talk to him.

no stress from homework/tests.

lunch dates at sweet leaf.

to photograph my model (my sister).

to see my best friends.

family dinner/home cooked meals.

to go to my home ward.

eat at the new chipotle.

watch endless tv at bainbridges.

sleeping in till whenever i want.

dinner dates with virginia.

to go visit teachers at mcl (i know,

i swore i would never do that).

christmas/new years parties.

to watch mcl gymnastics meets.

go to gymnastics practice.

use dad's photoshop.

concerts at jammin java.

to catch up on tv shows/tivo!

pretty little liars nights.

going into the city for whatever.

riding the metro!

to buy a new car.

christmas dinner at the gundersons.

shop at unique.

i could go on and on but i won't.

needless to say, i'm excited to go home.

i need a break.

twenty seven more days till i go home.

oh how i wish those days would speed up.

i just need to go home for a little.

i love it here but the

one thing i need right now,

is to go home. hurry up december.

words i can't seem to say.

fast forwarding.

i know this is supposed

to be the fun part

but i would just love to skip over all of it

and my future be the present.

i know what i want to do right now,

but how long is it going to last this time?

i know who i want right now,

but we all know, that never lasts long.

so if i could just fast forward a few years,

even to just take a peek,

i'm sure i would currently be a lot calmer.

i know that all the things i'm

stressing about now will seem like

nothing six months from now.

but for right now,

i will keep stressing about

these minuscule things.

fall for you.

today was a perfect fall day.

it's been two weeks and...

must i always be confused.

my life through polaroids.

all growed up.

this past weekend i went "home" to

salt lake city to stay with my grandparents.

on sunday we had a family dinner

at my cousins house.

i sat at the table after dinner

listening to the conversations around me,

adults questioning our college exams and classes,

my cousins questioned my uncles

about the MCAT's and other doctor talk,

and we spoke of life decisions that

me and my cousins were having to make.

as these discussions were happening

all around me i looked outside,

i saw all my little cousins

jumping on the trampoline and

hanging from the jungle gym in the backyard.

it felt like just a second ago

that me, eden, and andrew were

out on that same jungle gym and trampoline,

looking inside through

the massive glass doors,

counting the years until we

could sit at the grown up table.

now, looking from the inside out,

i wish i could go back to those days

where life was simple,

and our biggest problems consisted of play dates

and who stole the toy from who.

life as a grown up is fun,

but frightening at the same time.

i question every day if being

a photographer is the right choice.

i know i love it and i want to do

it for the rest of my life,

but that knowledge also

comes with the questions of

if i am good enough to pursue this,

and if i will be able to get a job...

the questions linger in my mind as the days pass,

and i will just have to wait until the future is now.

"no matter what you love to do,

if you follow your bliss,

you can make a living doing it"

-mike rosenthal

(one of my favorite photographers)

long sleepless nights, thats what college is for.

my life be like:

-me and alex decided to buy a fish one night. his name is franklin and he is wonderful. i hope paula has been feeding him this weekend...

-sometimes weird things happen at college...this is one of them:

-on weekends we like to gather mattresses in our living room. it is the greatest.

-sometimes i don't get home until 3 am because i'm doing things like giving gymnastics lessons in a random hallway...

-thursday night i slept on the quad so that i could have front row seats to the byu game. it was freezing and i got an hour of sleep, but it was lovely.

-utah state beat byu on friday!!! it was a great game, and after we stormed the field.

"you in a song"

i wish a boy would..

write a song for me.

or a poem.

or send me flowers.

i miss my model..

emptying my thoughts.

i don't remember the last time i wrote in my journal,

which makes me really upset.

i always have things on my mind that i

need to share, share with anyone.

but for now, as my journal waits

patiently on my shelf, i will write to you.

there has been so much going on in my life.

i feel as if i've been in logan for years.

the people that now surround my life feel as if

they have been there for years as well.

throughout my life i have

changed where i have called home,

and logan is the new home.

the difference this time is that there is no

daddy waiting for me at the door

when i stroll in at all hours of the night,

no dad to hug when thats the thing i need the most.

but for right now, i am surviving.

besides, change is always good,

i have always been fond of change.

speaking of changes, i am now athletic.

i'm on a soccer team. yes me, a soccer player.

it's quite amusing and thursday is our first game.

i haven't gone to take pictures since i left virginia,

i feel a little empty inside.

tomorrow morning (in nine hours..)

i get my first photo assignment of the semester.

this photography class is scaring me already though,

because i hate the darkroom.

and because this is the one class

i am going to put my heart and soul into.

i hate seeing peoples amazing photography

around me and feeling like i may not

ever get that good, even if thats all i want in life.

is to be that good.

and maybe i'm not as good as everyone tells me...

and that scares me.

this weekend wasn't one of my bests,

i let silly things take over

and control my emotions.

even though i know i'm being dumb.

i read into everything and i always think the worst.

just because i've been hurt in the past

doesn't mean it will happen every time.

"sometimes, we just have to be happy with what people can offer us.

even if it's not what we want, at least it's something" -sd

i'm sick and i had to go buy myself medicine tonight.

the medicine i bought doesn't seem to be working.

this is the first time my dad hasn't been here to take care of me.

although i don't know how much

he actually took care of me when i was sick.

he would at least get me the right medicine.

all my roommates have gotten church callings.

i have yet to get one but i know i will be

receiving a phone call any day now,

i'm not sure if i'm ready to be an adult yet,

that phone call might have to wait a bit longer.

i still can never sleep (clearly) and

that is probably the reason i'm sick.

so maybe for now i'll turn off this laptop,

and try to close my eyes...

goodnight moon.

little somethin called insomnia.

no matter how many hours of sleep i get,

i am exhausted the next day.

it doesn't matter if i laid on the couch all day,

i will be tired the following day.

sleep deprivation? yes.

loving college? of course.

so this is college.

there are are too many things to be said about college. i've been trying to write a blog about it for days now and i just stare at this blank page and have nothing to say. having nothing to say makes it seem like i don't like it here, but that is not the case. i love every day that i've been here and might never want to leave. i'm on day eleven of the college life and i couldn't be happier. so many things have happened in the past eleven days that i'm not sure how i'm going to manage to say them all in one blog, considering this is already the longest blog i've ever done.but here i go...

snow 102, purple doors. roommates, already best friends. walking everywhere. new red bike. party in room 102, new friends. connections, LUMA and larry. rainy day, traumatic/ruined shoes. free food. 2 insane concerts. becca, nough said. roommate dinner, engagement rings. movie on old main hill, good night. 5 hours a night, sleep deprivation. logan weather, bipolar. di, awesome outfits. hot man wall. lazy sundays. laundry room days. fire crotch stalkers. volleyball games. rosa, awkward. scotsmen. big blue, alex's crush. daily dinner, granola. sign on our door, boys clean our dishes. our ra meeting, hour and a half joke. college...absolutely love.

thirteen.

the past two weeks have been so much fun.

thirteen more days till i move to utah.

i'm so not ready for summer to be over yet...

there are still so many things i want to do,

and thirteen days just isn't enough.

but i'm excited for the next two weeks,

and i'm very excited to get to school

and to have a fresh new start!

favorite person in the world

my favorite person in this world is my cousin gabrielle

she is the funniest 4 year old i'll ever meet

everything she says is so exact, articulated and hilarious

shamu is her best friend and she wants to move to sea world

this weekend i went to the beach with my friends.

i love them all and i loved this weekend.

i love dewey beach.

i love summer.