it's been two weeks and...

must i always be confused.

my life through polaroids.

all growed up.

this past weekend i went "home" to

salt lake city to stay with my grandparents.

on sunday we had a family dinner

at my cousins house.

i sat at the table after dinner

listening to the conversations around me,

adults questioning our college exams and classes,

my cousins questioned my uncles

about the MCAT's and other doctor talk,

and we spoke of life decisions that

me and my cousins were having to make.

as these discussions were happening

all around me i looked outside,

i saw all my little cousins

jumping on the trampoline and

hanging from the jungle gym in the backyard.

it felt like just a second ago

that me, eden, and andrew were

out on that same jungle gym and trampoline,

looking inside through

the massive glass doors,

counting the years until we

could sit at the grown up table.

now, looking from the inside out,

i wish i could go back to those days

where life was simple,

and our biggest problems consisted of play dates

and who stole the toy from who.

life as a grown up is fun,

but frightening at the same time.

i question every day if being

a photographer is the right choice.

i know i love it and i want to do

it for the rest of my life,

but that knowledge also

comes with the questions of

if i am good enough to pursue this,

and if i will be able to get a job...

the questions linger in my mind as the days pass,

and i will just have to wait until the future is now.

"no matter what you love to do,

if you follow your bliss,

you can make a living doing it"

-mike rosenthal

(one of my favorite photographers)

long sleepless nights, thats what college is for.

my life be like:

-me and alex decided to buy a fish one night. his name is franklin and he is wonderful. i hope paula has been feeding him this weekend...

-sometimes weird things happen at college...this is one of them:

-on weekends we like to gather mattresses in our living room. it is the greatest.

-sometimes i don't get home until 3 am because i'm doing things like giving gymnastics lessons in a random hallway...

-thursday night i slept on the quad so that i could have front row seats to the byu game. it was freezing and i got an hour of sleep, but it was lovely.

-utah state beat byu on friday!!! it was a great game, and after we stormed the field.